Remember My Name
by lynch98
Summary: Whenever Zuko put the mask on, he was free. The Blue Spirit gave Zuko a kind of freedom he had never felt before. He was no longer just a banished prince, but a figure to be feared and respected, even if it was only a temporary freedom. Until, of course, it became permanent.-Blue Spirit AU with major changes to plot.
1. Prologue

_**So this is an idea that's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I always wondered how Zuko felt when he became the Blue Spirit. It made sense that he would feel a temporary freedom from himself, his failures, and everyone else. What if a temporary freedom became permanent for Zuko? What if he became consumed by the rush of being the Blue Spirit? This story explores what would happen and will eventually be a fully fledged AU with major changes to plot.**_

 **Prologue**

Even after he broke the Avatar out of Pohuai Stronghold, Zuko could not believe his eyes when he and Iroh saw the wanted poster at a harbor.

"A thousand gold pieces for the capture of the Blue Spirit." Iroh said to Zuko. "He really is making a name for himself, isn't he?"

Zuko was too busy in his own thoughts to listen to his uncle. _"A thousand gold pieces on my head. That's enough to set a man for life."_ He mentally chastised himself. The bounty was on the _Blue Spirit's_ head, not his.

But the avatar had seen his face. He alone knew who he really was. What if he told somebody? What if people knew? What if Zhao knew? He would be a wanted criminal; an enemy of the Fire Nation with no chance of ever going-

"Prince Zuko, are you feeling alright?" Iroh asked worriedly.

Zuko was snapped out of his stupor at the sound of his uncles voice and realized he had been sweating profusely. "I'm fine, uncle." Zuko snapped. "It's just hot out here is all."

Iroh noted the cool seaside temperature and was feeling chilly himself. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this character, would you?" He asked as they walked back to the ship.

Zuko's good eye went wide at his uncle's question. "What? Of course not! Why would you ask me such things?"

"Because this Blue Spirit just broke the avatar out of one of the most fortified prisons in the world. If he was skilled and capable enough to steal him from right under Zhao's nose, you may have someone worse to deal with." Iroh told him.

 _"You have no idea who you're talking to, uncle."_ Zuko thought. He reminded himself that it was probably better that way.

Later that night in his quarters, Zuko held the Blue Spirit mask and stared deep into its demonic visage. Iroh's words had stuck with him. He had been called weak, a failure, inferior to his younger sister, but _never_ skilled and capable. For the first time in years, he felt genuine pride.

He had to admit, when he put the mask on, he felt a sense of freedom he had never felt before in his life. No royal name and lineage to live up to, no failures or shortcomings weighing him down, and no one to belittle him. It was as if he was a totally different person with the mask on. He went from being a banished prince to a figure that now commanded fear and respect wherever he was mentioned. He was making a name for himself, indeed. Breaking the avatar out of one of the mist fortified strongholds was no small feat, after all.

It took someone skilled and capable to do such a thing.

His last thought before he fell asleep was him wondering when he would get to experience that freedom again.

Little did he know, it would not be long at all.

 _ **So what do you think? Should I continue with this storyline and see where it leads? Please read and review to let me know!**_


	2. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing**_

Chapter 1

Zhao had the Avatar stolen from right under his nose. This man-this _Blue Spirit_ \- as they now called him, had somehow snuck past the Yu Yan archers, his guards, and broke into what was supposed to be the most fortified stronghold the Fire Nation had.

So, he was in a pretty foul mood.

It didn't get any better when he got a letter from Fire Lord Ozai himself, demanding to know the meaning of such a travesty. The letter read:

 _"Admiral Zhao, I hear you let the avatar get away from you, even with those archers you so desperately needed. You let some criminal steal the supposed master of the elements from right under you. This is unacceptable. You will recapture the avatar immediately or I will demote you and find someone better to do the job. Perhaps Admiral Chan might be better? I also want you to use any means necessary to keep my worthless son from capturing the avatar. I don't ever want him coming back here. Until you fulfill both of your assignments, you will hold off on the siege of the Northern Water Tribe. Don't fail me again, Zhao."_

The letter ended with the seal of the Royal Family.

It took Zhao everything he had to control the urge to kill whoever let Fire Lord Ozai know what had happened. _"Admiral Chan, of all people? That suck-up? You can't be serious about that!"_ He thought lividly. "You son of a-" Zhao restrained himself further, thinking better of calling his Fire Lord a son of a bitch. Instead, he found another outlet for his rage.

 _"Hoshi!"_ Zhao shouted furiously.

Moments later, his messenger showed up at his office trembling in fear. "Yes, Admiral Zhao?" Hoshi answered fearfully.

Zhao marched over to him and shoved Ozai's letter in his face. "What, exactly, is the meaning of this?" He growled.

"S-sir, I was just keeping Fire Lord Ozai up to date-"

Zhao cut Hoshi off and grabbed him by the throat. " _Nobody_ sends anything to the Fire Lord without _my_ permission! You insubordinate little-"

"Please sir! I was only doing my duty to the Fire Lord!" Hoshi shouted.

Zhao went very still at his subordinate's outburst and let him go. His self control was quickly leaving him. "You dare interrupt your admiral?" He said in a dangerously low voice.

Hoshi immediately recognized the implications of Zhao's statement and dropped to his knees and begged for mercy. "Please, Admiral Zhao! Spare me! I have a wife and six kids-"

Hoshi never got to finish his sentence, for he was cut off by the fire blast Zhao directed at his face. He was killed almost instantly; his whole head being charred black and unrecognizable as such. The stench permeated the entire room.

"Guard!" Zhao shouted. "Get someone to clean this up!"

.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zuko found solace in his Dao swords. The way they moved, the sound the made as they sliced through the air did much to calm his perpetually troubled mind. Every day he would practice his forms with his swords, hoping he would one day be able to bend fire with them. His solace was short-lived thanks to his uncle knocking on the door to his quarters.

"Prince Zuko, are you busy by any chance?" Iroh asked from the other side.

Zuko quickly tossed his swords underneath his bed and then opened the door. "What is it-?" He started. Then he saw Zhao standing next to his uncle, smirking.

"You remember our good friend, Admiral Zhao, don't you?" Iroh said ironically.

Zuko's face fell.

 _"Oh, shit."_

"Hello, _Prince Zuko_. Lovely day we're having, isn't it?" Zhao said in that all too familiar condescending tone of his. Zuko hated the way he used his title. He wanted to murder him. But Zuko had to keep himself under control.

"What are you doing on my ship?" Zuko growled.

Zhao's smirk grew wider. "I just came to inform you that we're taking your entire crew."

It took a moment for Zuko to process this information. It was so blunt, so sudden.

"You're doing _what_?! Who do you think you are?" Zuko shouted in disbelief.

"Mind your tone, _boy._ For your information, I am an admiral of the Fire Nation, and you are still nothing more than a banished prince." Zhao said. "Besides, my orders come from the Fire Lord himself."

It took Zuko even longer to process this. "My father?" He spluttered. "But how-why-?"

"It's quite simple, really." Zhao cut him off. "Your own father doesn't care enough about you to give you a chance, even now that the avatar is alive and out there."

 _"You're lying!"_ Zuko shouted, livid with rage. "My father gave me a mission to capture the avatar,and I _will_ fulfill it!"

Zhao shook his head in something that resembled pity. "You just won't accept it, will you, Zuko?"

"You will refer to me by my title!" Zuko shouted, in spite of his earlier thoughts, flames forming around his fists.

"What title?" Zhao sneered. "Oh, I'm sorry. _The failure. The banished prince._ The same one who let his younger sister surpass him in every way imaginable."

Something snapped inside of Zuko at the mention of Azula. _"I should have killed you when I had the chance!"_

He lunged at Zhao, not thinking of the consequences of his actions. Zhao simply stepped back while Iroh restrained Zuko.

"Prince Zuko! No!" Iroh shouted. "Control yourself! This isn't the end!" Zuko calmed down after a few moments, but rage was still very visible on his features.

Much to Zuko's frustration, Zhao was unfazed. "I'll let this one slide, Zuko. I want you alive to suffer, after all." Zhao sneered.

Now Iroh's countenance changed. For a moment, he looked like the infamous Dragon of the West as he stared Zhao down with quiet rage. "I think you have said enough, Zhao _._ " Iroh said in a steely voice. "Take what you came for and leave. _Now."_

Fear flickered across Zhao's face momentarily before he returned to normal. "Very well." Zhao said. "Good day to you both." Then he left the two alone.

Zhao's momentary change in demeanor did nit go unnoticed by Zuko. How was it that his bumbling, tea-loving uncle Iroh could instill fear even in a man like Zhao? It just didn't make any sense.

 _"Why is it so damned hard for_ _ **me**_ _to do the same?"_ Zuko thought bitterly.

Iroh put his hand on his nephew's shoulder. "Zuko, don't worry-" Iroh began.

"Like I told you before, Uncle." Zuko cut him off bitterly. "I don't need your help keeping order on _my_ ship."

Iroh removed his hand. "What ship? What crew do you have left to keep in order?" He implored.

Zuko could not speak with him anymore. Tears were on the verge of falling. "Uncle, please." He said in a broken voice. "Just go."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zuko could not sleep. Without the crew around it was too damn quiet. He couldn't believe it, but he actually missed them. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing the faces of Ozai, Azula, and Zhao taunting and laughing at him. He heard their voices as if they were really there. Zhao's comments in particular stuck with him.

 _"A failure. A banished prince whose younger sister surpassed him in every way."_

Zuko could not get it out of his head. His younger sister surpassing him in every way imaginable. The worst part was that he knew it was all true. He had been haunted his whole life by Azula, but Zhao pushed him over the edge. The more he thought about it, the more he came to realize he really _should_ have killed Zhao at the Agni Kai. If he had, everything would have been just fine. He was within his rights to do so, after all.

But for some reason, he had held back.

 _"Maybe it's not too late."_ A little voice inside of Zuko told him. He bolted upright in his bed. Was he seriously considering outright murder?

He got out of bed and opened his nightstand. He found that demonic blue mask that he had come to know so well and put it on with trembling hands. He then grabbed his Dao swords from underneath the bed. He remembered his uncles words at the Agni Kai. _"Even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you."_

That stopped Zuko. Was he really going to sacrifice his honor just so he could get revenge?

Then he thought about how Zhao tried to kill him when he turned his back, and remembered that it was Ozai that ordered his crew be taken from him. _"I don't have any honor left to sacrifice."_

 _Was he really going to go down that road?_

Nevertheless, Zuko savored the feel of the Blue Spirit now more than ever.

 _ **Had to rewrite the ending to this chapter... So what do you think? Will Zhao die at the Blue Spirit's hands? Please read and review as it keeps me going! And thank you all for your kind words!**_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Zuko could not bring himself to do it, even despite Zhao's words earlier. He sighed and took off the mask, instantly missing it. He tossed his swords off to the side and sat down on his bed. His whole world was coming apart, and he could not bring himself to do the only thing that might fix it. With Zhao's resources, he knew it was only a matter of time before he recaptured the avatar. Sure, he could break him out again, but what good would that be? He had no way to get him back to the Fire Nation. It was hopeless.

 _"What did I do to Agni to deserve this?"_ He lamented, thinking back to that fateful war meeting all those years ago. _"I only wanted to help those soldiers."_ He did learn a valuable lesson after that: You should never help anyone but yourself. It's a lesson that rang true now more than ever.

So why was it so hard for Zuko to do what he needed to do? He was certain Zhao would not be missed.

There was a part of Zuko that still cared for other people, even after what happened the last time he tried to do that. He wasn't a murderer.

 _"And look where that got me. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't have this problem."_

Every day and every night since his banishment, Zuko felt that same regret. It was at its worst now.

Zuko thought back to Zhao's earlier words. He picked up one of his swords with trembling hands and sliced through the air, imagining he was cutting Zhao's head off his shoulders. He felt a strange mixture of guilt and satisfaction.

 _"Agni, please help me. I beg of you."_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Prince Zuko, I know how you must be feeling right now." Iroh said. "But you must not lose hope. You know what will happen if you give in to despair."

Zuko completely ignored Iroh's words. "Uncle, what would you have done if you were me?"

Iroh seemed taken aback that Zuko was actually asking _him_ what he would have done. "Sorry?"

"What would you have done if someone took everything away from you?"

Iroh seemed to catch on. "Wait. Why do you want to know?"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. There really was no fooling his uncle Iroh.. "I'm just kind of thinking about maybe negotiating with Zhao, is all. Maybe." He said grudgingly.

Iroh did not look convinced. "'Negotiate?' And what exactly do you hope to gain by negotiating with a man like that? You know already he is not honorable."

 _"Do I have to fight for everything?"_ Zuko was beginning to lose his patience; it was time to switch tactics. "I'm just wondering what you would do is all."

Iroh thought for a minute. "Well, if the orders came from the Fire Lord himself, there would be nothing I could do about it. As hard as it may sound, Prince Zuko, maybe you should accept it and move on."

Zuko looked up with a disbelieving expression. "But you were just saying earlier that I shouldn't give up! Whatever happened to 'don't give in to despair?'"

"Acceptance and losing hope are two different things. Accepting something you cannot change is not giving up, but giving up when you _can_ change something is the very meaning of giving in to despair."

Those words had more of an impact on Zuko than he would have liked to admit. There _was_ something he could change, but he wouldn't dare mention it to Iroh. "Well, what am I supposed to do now? My own father doesn't even care if I capture the avatar anymore. He's letting _Zhao_ do it! He even gave him my crew! All I wanted was to go home." Zuko's voice broke on the last sentence. Tears threatened to fall once again.

Iroh saw what was coming and pulled his nephew in for a hug. For the first time since his banishment, Zuko finally cried on his uncle's shoulder, letting out years of despair, fear, anger, and frustration. They stood there like that for the longest time before Iroh broke the embrace first.

"Remember, Zuko." Iroh said, tears apparent in his own eyes. " _I'll_ always be here for you.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

As he laid in bed that night, one thought kept popping in his head: _"Why me?"_ Another thought popped in: _"Because you are worthless and weak."_ And then finally: _"Accept what you cannot change, and move on."_

He mulled over that last thought and his uncle's words from earlier. How was he supposed to just _accept_ it? Accept never being able to go back home? He was just supposed to take that lying down because there was nothing he could do about it?

 _"Listen to the other half of what he said. There is one thing you can do about it, you fool."_ It was that voice in his head again. _"You're just too weak to do it."_

Zuko reached under his bed and grabbed the Blue Spirit mask. Just like the night before, he stared into its hollow eyes looking for some kind of solace. _Zuko_ may be weak, but the _Blue Spirit_ was strong. He took several deep breaths and put the mask on, and grabbed his swords. He looked out his window at Zhao's warship.

 _"Remember, Zuko. I'll always be here for you."_

 _"Acceptance and losing hope are two different things. Accepting something you cannot change is not giving up, but giving up when you can change something is the very meaning of giving in to despair."_

He planned on changing something alright. Already his heart was beginning to beat out of his chest. He was going to have to ignore the part of him that cared for other people if he was going to make a difference in his life.

 _"Agni, forgive me for what I'm about to do."_

 _Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

 _ **Poor Zuko... What do you think of the character transformation? Am I doing it right? I postponed the action for an extra chapter because I felt I needed to flesh Zuko's feelings out a bit more. And I promise there will be action in the next chapter and that future chapters will be much longer as the story picks up. As always, please read and review! Constructive criticism is particularly appreciated.**_


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It didn't take long for Zuko to find Zhao's ship, since it was the largest ship in the harbor. What _did_ take a long time was all the watching and waiting.

Zuko was perched on the roof of a nearby house, lying down so he could remain undetected. With his telescope, he could see that even at this time of night, the ship was crawling with guards and their movement patterns did not make any sense. Actually, there was no pattern; it seemed that everyone simply moved of their own accord wherever they wanted, and it pissed Zuko off.

It made his mission that much harder. He wanted to minimize obvious, unneeded casualties for this one and he couldn't just sneak by on the deck since someone would see him.

Then Zuko looked at the water. _"Okay, plan B."_

 _Xxxxxxxxxxcxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Something else that took a long time was getting used to swimming in the freezing ocean waters. As far up north as they were, Zuko was sure he would be hypothermic if he stayed in the water any longer. He had to get to the ship fast.

He barely made it and once he did, he wasted no time in climbing up the wall. He took out his swords, jammed them between the cracks in the metal, and began his slow ascent up the wall of the ship.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zuko cursed himself for not coming up with a better plan. By the time he made it up to the air vents, his arms were ready to give out. He used his remaining strength to rip open the cover, and collapsed as soon as he made it in.

 _"This is just ridiculous. How am I going to make it to Zhao if I can barely even make it on the ship? I'm the Blue Spirit for Agni's sake!"_

He didn't know how long he laid there, but as soon as he regained his strength, he made his way down the air vents, having no idea where he was going. Eventually, he had no idea where he was at. It was then he realized he had a fatal flaw in his plan.

He didn't really have much of a plan at all.

 _"Good job, idiot. I might as well have signed my_ _ **own**_ _death warrant. Maybe I was dropped on my head too many times as a baby. So much for being the great Blue Spirit."_

But he knew he was already past the point of no return. Might as well follow through with the whole thing or die trying.

After a while of aimless crawling, he finally found an opening to a room. He looked through the cover and found himself looking into a soldier's quarters. Probably a new recruit due to the emptiness of the place.

 _"So now soldiers each get their own quarters? What's happened since I've been gone..."_

He looked closer and saw the occupant of the room sitting in a corner, reading a book by the candlelight , blissfully unaware of what was about to happen to him. Zuko needed to get his bearings somehow, after all. He took several deep breaths and steeled himself for what he was about to do.

He carefully removed the cover, slipped out-

Shit, he'd been spotted. The soldier froze in fear as soon as he saw the masked figure. Zuko wasted no time in rushing over and slamming into him, knocking him to the floor face down. He took out his swords and crossed them around his neck,.

"Don't even think about screaming." Zuko said in a deadly voice. Despite the situation,killing him was the last thing he wanted to do. He only wanted information.

Zuko was a little disappointed. He had expected better from a Fire Nation soldier, rather than just freezing in fear at the sight of opposition. What kind of soldiers were they training nowadays?

"W-who are you?" The soldier stuttered in fear.

Zuko could not resist this opportunity and leaned in closer to his ear. "Let me give you a hint. I'm the one who broke the Avatar out of Pohuai stronghold. Ring any bells?"

The soldier went still from shock. "The Blue Spirit..." He said in a soft voice.

Zuko relished every second. For once, _he_ was the one in control. _He_ was the one inspiring fear into people's hearts. "Yes. Yes I am. Now, I've gotten lost on this vast ship, and I just need to know where Admiral Zhao-"

"He's asleep in his quarters! It's right below the ship bridge! Just please don't hurt me!" The soldier whispered, almost hyperventilating and beginning to sweat profusely.

Zuko was completely taken aback. Just like that, he gave up his commanding officer? He didn't know whether to feel elated or disgusted. Standards for Fire Navy protocol had really gone down.

 _"Wait, doesn't he sound a little young to be a soldier?"_

Zuko removed his swords from the soldier's neck and turned him over to see his face. Upon seeing the mask, his breathing became more ragged.

Now that he had a really good look at his face, he couldn't believe what he was looking at. He wasn't staring into the face of a man, but that of a boy probably no older than thirteen. He had just abused a _child._

 _"Well Zuko... like father, like son."_

Zuko didn't feel proud to be the Blue Spirit at that moment. He didn't even feel proud to be Fire Nation. What were they thinking, conscripting children into the military? Had the world dragged down the Fire Nation in madness with the rest of it? They were supposed to be above all that!

"What are you going to do to me?" The boy asked in a tiny voice, now shaking all over.

Zuko could only do one thing, and it made him sick to his stomach. But it had to be done; The boy had already seen too much. He took his sword, raised it in the air...

And knocked him out with the hilt of his sword. Afterwards, he tied him up and gagged him with shreds of his own clothes and left him on the bed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to the unconscious boy before crawling back into the vents to make his way to Zhao's quarters; he knew where the bridge of a ship was supposed to be and which direction to go, he just needed to stop one level lower. While he was at it, he wondered what else had changed in the Fire Nation since he had been banished.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It didn't take long at all for Zuko to reach Zhao's room. The apprehension was building and his chest was tightening with every foot he crawled. Finally, he got to the vent cover. He peeked through it and saw the man he hated most in the world was sound asleep, and snoring pretty loudly.

Just like earlier, Zuko took several deep breaths to calm his nerves, but this time it wouldn't work. He felt like the tightness in his chest was going to kill him.

He removed the cover and gently set it on the ground. Slowly he stood up and stopped moving.

Nothing. Zhao was still asleep.

Zuko carefully drew his swords and took one slow step at a time. The closer he got, the more ragged his breathing became and the more he sweated.

 _"Pull yourself together, Zuko! He deserves this!"_

He was only a few feet from the bed now.

 _"But I'm not a murderer..."_

Now he was within sword's reach of Zhao.

 _"We can't all be heroes..."_

He shakily raised his sword in the air, preparing to end the life of the man he'd hated his whole life and-

He held it there.

 _"Come on! Don't think about it, just kill him!"_

He didn't have it in him to take another human being's life in cold blood. He was no murderer, he was better than that.

Maybe he wasn't past the point of no return; It wasn't too late for him to turn back. He could leave Zhao alone and leave the ship quietly. They would know he came, but they would never suspect it was Zuko. There was no need to murder someone just because of a few harsh words. He would find a way to make it work; he always did, after all. Zuko slowly backed away...

Then Zhao abruptly opened his eyes and saw the same masked demon that had stolen the avatar from right under him. The same one that threatened his position and reputation as admiral of the Fire Navy.

Years of training and advanced reflexes kicked in, and Zhao was on his feet instantly and rushed Zuko.

Zuko blocked most of the fire blast, but the shockwave of it knocked the mask off of his face, exposing his identity.

Zhao was momentarily shocked at what he saw. So this infamous Blue Spirit was nothing more than the banished prince of the Fire Nation!

Zuko now had no choice.

"It was _you_ all along!" Zhao shouted before delivering another fire blast Zuko's way. He evaded it and made his final decision.

 _"It's now or never!"_

He rushed at Zhao with his swords drawn and took whatever chance he had.

"When I capture you, your father-" Zhao never got to finish his sentence. Zuko had sliced his head clean off, just like in his fantasies. Except it didn't feel nearly as good.

Blood was spurting out of his neck stump onto Zuko and everywhere else. A few seconds after his head fell to the floor, the rest of Zhao's body followed suit and collapsed into a lifeless heap.

His dead eyes were staring directly at Zuko with their last expression of shock and horror. He couldn't believe it; he had just murdered another man in cold blood. Tears started rolling down the unscarred side of his face and his swords fell out of his hands. He then noticed he was covered in Zhao's blood.

 _"Oh, Agni... What have I just done? I'm a killer..."_

It wall all too much for him; He doubled over and threw up on the spot. His uncle's words to Zhao played over and over in his mind. _"Even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you."_ He wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever.

Zuko could hear shouting and running footsteps getting closer and closer outside Zhao's door and returned to his senses. He scrambled for his mask and put it on. The last thing he needed was for the whole Fire Nation to know his identity.

 _"How could they know I'm here! We weren't fighting for two minutes!"_

The second he put on his mask and picked up his swords, the door to Zhao's room was slammed open to reveal a whole squad of Fire Nation soldiers, including the boy he had accosted earlier.

 _"Oh, right..."_

Zuko barely had time to register the expressions of horror on the soldier's faces at the scene before them. The Blue Spirit was covered in the blood of Admiral Zhao standing over his headless body, like an angel of death. It was a gruesome sight to behold.

Zuko looked to his right and saw a window. He didn't care how high up he was, he just needed to get out of there right away. He bolted and jumped out.

He immediately regretted his decision as he was at least a few hundred feet up. He was on a collision course headfirst for the icy waters below and was positive he was going to die.

 _"It's over... I did this all to myself. I deserve this."_ Was the last thought he had before the ocean came up to meet him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zuko woke up to find himself submerged in icy waters. He had no idea how far down he was; all he knew was that he was going to drown if he didn't come up soon.

He swam in the direction he thought was up. He kept swimming, but the light just seemed so far away. He knew he wasn't going to make it. The water was peaceful, he noticed. A perfect solace-

 _"No, no, NO! I can't give up now!"_

With the last of his renewed energy, Zuko swam furiously towards the light. It got closer and closer...

The feeling of air rushing into his lungs once his head was above water was like nothing he had ever experienced before. But he was running out of energy and had to get to shore and away from Zhao's ship fast; the whole ship would be looking for him.

He looked around frantically and found his mask floating just within arm's reach. His swords, however, were nowhere to be found. He grabbed the mask, took a deep breath,and plunged back underwater to swim to shore undetected.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once Zuko got to shore, he looked back at the ship and saw that every window and torch was alight. He had to move fast; the squad of soldiers had seen him jump out the window and he knew it wouldn't be long before the whole ship put two and two together and realized he was on shore. He took off and ran as fast as he could. He had no idea where he was going, all he wanted was to get away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before he knew it, Zuko was back at his ship.

 _"Okay, okay... Relax. There's nothing they can pin on me."_

Zuko knew it was useless in comforting himself. He was never really a good liar; he always wore his heart on his sleeve and his emotions were there for everyone to see. He was only good at lying to himself and ironically, he knew it.

But it wouldn't work this time. Zuko knew what he was.

A murderer.

The freedom of being the Blue Spirit came at a price.

He couldn't sleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Zhao's dead face staring into his soul.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was daybreak and Zuko was finally beginning to drift off into the bliss of sleep and forget-

"Zuko!"

The sound of Iroh's voice brought him back. _"I can't have one moment of peace, can I?_

Zuko looked and saw Iroh standing in the doorway, looking perturbed. He knew what was coming and braced himself for it.

"Admiral Zhao has been murdered." Iroh said solemnly.

 _"Murdered..."_ Zuko did his best to look and sound surprised, but suspected he was probably failing at it. _"Just calm down. Nobody can pin anything to me. I'm_ _ **fine.**_ _"_

"Really? That- that's too bad, Uncle." Zuko replied in a low voice while turning his head away.

"Too bad? I don't think he will be missed at all, but the manner in which he died is most gruesome."

Zuko couldn't believe his uncle Iroh was basically saying he was glad Zhao was dead. It did a little bit to calm his nerves down and continue the conversation for a little bit.

He needed to know one thing:

"So, uh... Do they know who did it?" Zuko asked.

"Yes. It was this Blue Spirit that people keep talking about." Iroh told him.

Zuko sighed. Nobody knew who he was.

But at that moment Zuko began feeling sick again. He didn't want to talk about it any more; he had just spent the entire night trying to forget about it and here Iroh was talking about the Blue Spirit as if he weren't right in front of him. "Now uncle, I want you to leave me-"

"Zuko. You know how much I worry for your safety..." Iroh cut him off, concerned etched all over his aged features. "Even though Zhao will be missed by no one, This Blue Spirit, he murdered an admiral of the Fire Nation in _cold blood._ How long do you think it will be before he decides to come after you?"

 _"You have_ _ **no idea**_ _who you're talking to!"_

Zuko couldn't take it anymore. "Uncle, I'll be fine! _Just get out_!" He shouted.

Iroh looked momentarily shocked at his nephew's outburst before returning to his expression of solemnity. "I am only thinking of your well-being."

"My well-being is fine, okay!? Just leave!"

Iroh stood there for a few moments longer; it grated on Zuko's already frayed nerves even more. Finally, without another word, Iroh turned around and left Zuko alone.

Zuko laid back down and heard nothing but his uncle's words playing on repeat once again in his mind.

 _"He murdered Zhao in cold blood."_

 _"He murdered Zhao in cold blood."_

 _"He murdered Zhao in_ _ **cold blood."**_

 _"Even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you."_

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 _ **Some of you can probably guess the impact that Zhao's death will have on the plot.**_

 _ **Anyway,this chapter was not easy to write; the hardest part was giving Zuko a good justification to kill Zhao rather than just murdering him for a few harsh words. I opted for him having no choice after Zhao found out who the Blue Spirit really was. The second hardest part was putting Zuko's feelings into writing. Did I characterize him right? Thank you for reading and reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated!**_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

After the debacle on Zhao's ship, the Fire Nation was in an uproar literally overnight.

The _whole_ Fire Nation.

One of its most powerful admirals had been beheaded in his own sleeping quarters by a demon in a blue mask. The demon had brutalized one of the ship's youngest recruits into revealing Zhao's location and attacked him while he was sleeping. The admiral fought heroically only to meet a gruesome end; His soldiers had just come too late. While they rushed to apprehend the demon, it escaped by flying out the window and was looking for more high ranking officers to satisfy its bloodlust. At least, that was the official story.

After the incident at Pohuai, the Blue Spirit became known throughout the country. Now, it was feared. Everyone knew that Zhao had one of the biggest and most heavily armed and guarded warships in the Fire Nation; if he wasn't safe, then who was?

Fire Lord Ozai held an emergency war meeting to best find out how to deal with this new threat.

"You are absolutely sure this is the same Blue Spirit we kept hearing about?" Ozai spoke to Admiral Chan, who sat closest to him.

"Yes, my lord." Chan replied. "The exact same one. He had the same mask, same swords, and the same outfit as in the descriptions we got from the guards at Pohuai."

Ozai contemplated this information for a minute and declared: "There will be no siege of the north, at least not yet. Right now we have nothing to gain by attacking the Northern Water Tribe."

A few of the officers sighed in relief; Zhao couldn't send the Fire Navy on a suicide mission if he was dead, especially since there were not many potential benefits to the mission.

Ozai stroked his goatee, apparently in deep thought, and then changed the subject. "And what of the young recruit that he brutalized? Is he ready to be brought forth for questioning?"

"He is, my lord."

"Bring him in." Ozai commanded.

With a wave of his hand, Chan motioned the guards at the entrance to part and let the aforementioned boy walk in.

The boy was visibly shaking at having to stand before the Fire Lord himself and his whole war council. He walked to the front of the wall of flames that separated Ozai from the rest of the room's occupants.

"State your name." Ozai commanded imperiously.

The boy took a big gulp. "Uh.. Tanaka, sir-I mean, my lord!"

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "Okay, Tanaka. Tell us exactly what happened on the night Admiral Zhao was murdered."

Tanaka took several deep breaths before his next words. "Well, I was just sitting in my room, reading a book, and then I heard a noise from behind me. I turned around and then he rushed me and knocked me to the ground facedown." He took another breath. "Then he put his swords around my neck and said he would kill me if I didn't tell him where Admiral Zhao was."

"And to told him where your admiral slept, correct?"

"Yes, my lord."

There was a dead silence throughout the room after Tanaka finished speaking. Finally, Ozai broke the silence. "Tell me, Tanaka, you are familiar with the concept of 'death before dishonor', aren't you?"

"Uh... I am, my lord."

"You know that as a soldier, you have a duty to lay your life down for your country, right?"

"Yes I do, my lord." Tanaka said, confidence returning to his voice.

Ozai noted the change in the boy's demeanor and took it into his own hands. "If that's so, then why did you not lay down your life for your admiral?"

Tanaka's eyes went wide with realization. "Uh.. i-"

"Because you were too _cowardly_ to give your life, which is insignificant compared to the late Admiral Zhao's, to protect him. You were weak, and I absolutely _despise_ weak people. Because of you, one of our admirals is dead, all because you just couldn't lay down your life for your country."

Tanaka was absolutely white with horror. He could not find any words.

Ozai continued on. "What you did, or failed to do, can be counted as treason. Are you familiar with the penalty for such a crime?"

The boy burst into tears and dropped to his knees. "Please, Fire Lord Ozai! Spare me! I am your loyal and humble servant!"

The image of the boy kneeling before him begging for mercy brought back memories of another young boy he had banished all those years ago. He absolutely _despised_ weakness.

Poor Tanaka had just sealed his fate.

Ozai stood up, rage twisting his features as the flames grew higher. "SILENCE!" He commanded. Tanaka instantly stopped his crying.

"Get up, you pathetic worm."

Tanaka slowly rose to his feet, refusing to look Ozai in the eyes.

"Look me in the eyes!"

Tanaka raised his head to meet eyes that promised a horrible fate to him.

Ozai then dropped the bombshell. "I sentence you to death by public execution on the counts of treason and speaking out of turn." He said in a deadly voice. Then he gestured to the guards. "Now, get this pathetic filth out of my sight."

The sobbing boy was dragged away to face his death sentence. Some of the generals had disturbed looks themselves; their fire lord had just sentenced a child to death, even if he failed in his duty to his nation. But they kept their thoughts to themselves lest they risk suffering the same fate.

Then the flames quieted down along with Ozai's demeanor, and it was as if nothing ever happened.

"We need a plan to deal with this Blue Spirit. If he could sneak onboard such a heavily guarded warship and murder an admiral in his own quarters, who knows what he may be capable of?" Ozai said thoughtfully.

"My lord, can we be sure this Blue Spirit is even human?" Admiral Chan piped up.

Ozai's curiosity was piqued."Explain yourself."

Admiral Chan cleared his throat. "Admiral Zhao's ship was armed to the teeth, no doubt about it. It is one of the largest ships our nation has ever built, and it was packed with guards. Yet, the Blue Spirit managed to bypass all that. It seems rather an inhuman feat to me."

Ozai seemed to consider this. "So what are you implying, that the spirits had a vendetta against Admiral Zhao? Or against the Fire Nation?"

"Maybe not the spirits per se, but another kind of malevolent entity."

Ozai was growing tired of Admiral Chan beating around the bush. "Just spit it out, admiral. Every second wasted is another second that Blue Spirit walks the Earth Kingdom."

The admiral was slightly flustered at Ozai's statement but went straight to the point. "Maybe the rumors are true; we may be dealing with an actual demon here."

Ozai suddenly remembered the stories of demons from when he was a child. "A demon." He echoed flatly. "And what brought you to _that_ conclusion, exactly?

Admiral Chan could sense that he was already losing his credibility, so he made haste to back his theory up. "Allow me to explain, my lord. The Blue Spirit's mask was reported to be blue and white; the same colors of the Northern Water Tribe. Zhao was planning a siege on the tribe, and it was certainly no secret. Add that to the inhuman feat of sneaking aboard Zhao's ship and we have something that's not likely to be of this world."

Ozai gave a very unfirelord-like snort. "Your reasoning still fails to give your theory any credibility, Admiral. I grow tired of your speculations."

Admiral Chan could feel the eyes of the other generals burning into him and knew he had one more chance to save face. "In all our hundred years of fighting, we never attacked the Northern Water Tribe once because of all the spiritual energy surrounding it. Now that Admiral Zhao planned to attack it, he got murdered. We all know the murderer was the same one that broke the Avatar out of Pohuai Stronghold, an inhuman feat in its own right. Every account and report so far seems to lend credibility to the Blue Spirit being an entity of some sort. I'm not saying that he is for sure, but we may need to be careful of what exactly it is we're dealing with here."

Admiral Chan's last ditch effort to save face actually gave Ozai something to think about. He spent the next several seconds in silence mulling his words over, while the admiral fidgeted nervously in place wondering if he had said the right thing.

"Alright, admiral." Ozai finally said. "I don't quite believe that this Blue Spirit is a demon or a spirit, but I won't necessarily shut out that possibility, either."

The admiral sighed in relief and relaxed until Ozai's next words. "So what would _you_ think our best plan of action is?"

Admiral Chan's eyes went wide and he tensed up again. "I'm sorry?"

"It is your theory, admiral, and you are on the war council; why don't you enlighten us on what is is you think we should do?"

Admiral Chan closed his eyes and thought hard about what to say next, then an idea came to him. "I know of a spirit library Admiral Zhao went to some time ago, way out in the Earth Kingdom desert."

Ozai raised his eyebrows. "The same one Admiral Zhao always talked about?"

"Yes, my lord, that same one. It is the most expansive library in the world kept by the Spirit of Knowledge himself, Wan Shi Tong. Perhaps we can find some answers there. Besides that, some information we find could help us in crushing the Earth Kingdom; we have nothing to lose by sending some people there."

"And where is this library, exactly?"

"Zhao must have had some kind of written record stating where it is. I will put in a request for it and find out where this library is, if it's alright with you."

Ozai contemplated his request for a moment and sighed, "Alright, you have my approval. But this trip had better not be a waste of time; you know how thinly spread our troops are. For now, we will not attack the Northern Water Tribe until we are sure that this Blue Spirit isn't some demon protecting it."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Six thousand gold pieces

 _Six thousand gold pieces_ for the Blue Spirit's capture.

All Zuko could think about as he stared at the most recent wanted poster was _"I'm sorry..."_

It was true; Zhao would be missed by no one. Many would argue that he deserved death. He was a cold, cruel, ruthless man who just couldn't let Zuko be, took almost everything he had left and rubbed it in. Zuko had hated the man for as long as he could remember, so it all begged the question:

Why did he feel so guilty, so horrible, when he cut Zhao's head off?

 _"What do I have to feel so terrible about?"_

Zuko could not deny that the deed had changed him and tore open a hole in his heart, but the more he thought about it, the more he wondered why he felt that way.

 _"No matter what, it was still cold-blooded murder."_

Zuko thought back to Iroh's words. _"He murdered an admiral of the Fire Nation in cold blood."_

The guilt suddenly came rushing back. He wondered what his uncle would think if he knew who the cold blooded murderer really was.

 _"Stop it! What's done is done!"_

Then again, he may have saved some innocent lives in the process; he had to admit that he never liked the idea of innocents and civilians being captured and killed by the Fire Nation's soldiers. But he had long accepted that as a reality of war. Zuko was all too familiar with Zhao's particular bloodlust for conquest and disregard for the lives of civilians; so maybe he was doing the rest of the world a favor. After all, how could the Fire Nation rule the world if there was no one to rule?

The world was better off without Zhao. Yes, that was it; he was helping to save the parts of the world that he could. It was more than what that pathetic Avatar had done so far.

At that, his thoughts drifted back to the twelve year old boy. This supposed savior who was supposed to bring peace and balance to the earth and end the hundred year war, this supposed master of all the elements was nothing more than an immature, bratty, fourteen year old _child._ Meanwhile, Zuko was almost twenty years old and had actually done some good in the world by killing off a scumbag who had done a mediocre amount for his country.

And besides,it wasn't _Zuko_ who murdered Zhao; it was the _Blue Spirit_. That was simply common knowledge.

Zuko's nerves calmed down a bit, but he knew that deep down he was a killer. There was simply no lying to himself this time; he and the Blue Spirit were one. Freedom came at a price.

 _"Everything comes at a price for me."_

Zuko had to think of what to do next; now that Zhao was dead, he had a chance to capture the Avatar. There was nobody standing in his way.

But did he really want to? He knew that Zhao's orders had to come from the Fire Lord himself. His father just did not want him to come home. Zuko's heart started to ache; he had fought harder than anything for his father's love, and he was never going to come.

Suddenly, he wanted his mother back more than ever. She would've always been able to help. His childhood was always happy when his mother was still there for him, his family was happy back when he was a little kid.

And more importantly, his father cared about him.

Zuko remembered when his father used to chase him and Azula through the fields, having fun with his children without a care in the world. What had happened to those days?

Zuko heaved a sigh; He missed his childhood, and would've sold his soul if he could return and relive it in an endless loop for the rest of time.

But he couldn't. The hunt for the Avatar was always a fool's errand; he was never meant to come back.

So what was he to do?

He picked up the mask that gave him the only freedom he had ever known. He had to make up for his sin somehow, he just had to.

Maybe if he did some good with that mask and used it to help people, it would maybe clear his conscience. Then a wild idea came to him.

He could be one of those vigilante heroes he always read about when he was a child. He would be doing good while being free at the same time and maybe just _maybe_ he would be forgiven.

 _"I'm such an idiot... I can't believe I'm even thinking like that."_

He almost felt like laughing at his idea as he tossed the mask back onto his bed where landed face up, staring at the ceiling.

Then Zuko remembered he had no swords.

How was he supposed to be the Blue Spirit if he had no swords? Stupid Zuko again.

He didn't want to, but he would have to go into town to buy some new weapons. He would not steal them like he did the last pair; he would pay for them with his own money.

Zuko felt better already; this would be his first step down the road to righteousness.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zuko's attempt at personal compensation for murder would have to wait, unfortunately. The whole harbor and all the ships were being put on lockdown in light of the previous night's incident, with small squadrons being sent from Zhao's ship onto all the other ones to question the crews. More unfortunately, they reached Iroh and Zuko as well just before he could make his escape.

"Prince Zuko, where were you at at around midnight last night?" One of them asked.

Zuko's heart rate increased exponentially but he figured he'd have no problem in convincing the party to leave him alone. There was nothing they could pin on him, after all. "I was asleep, like most people are that time of night." He grumbled.

"Were you really?"

"Yes, of course I was! Where the hell would I have been?!"

"Apologies. We have orders from the Fire Lord himself to question anyone in the vicinity. Admiral Zhao was murdered in his quarters last night."

Once again, he did his best to look shocked, a skill he felt would have to practice a lot in the near future. "Wow, really? That's uh... That's just too bad. I was really starting to warm up to him..." He regretted the words as soon as he left his mouth, for his uncle gave him a look of sheer bewilderment.

He knew what message Iroh was sending to the others with that look, even if it was directed only at Zuko. So he needed to continue and fabricate as much as he could. Oh, how he wished he could be like Azula sometimes. "Yes, uncle, I really was! You see, we uh... We came to an understanding! After our little argument last night, we reconciled. We both made nice..." Those words in particular left a nasty taste in his mouth. "And we...uh, became friends? Remember that, Uncle? You watched the whole thing, after all."

If Iroh looked bewildered before, he was his plain shocked. The expression matched quite nicely with the rest of the interrogation party. Zuko's "relationship" with Zhao was never exactly a secret to begin with. He shot Iroh another look that said, _"You old buffoon! Just play along and help get me out of this! PLEASE!"_

To Zuko's amazement, Iroh caught on. "Yes! They did make up after their little... Argument. You have my word as a general, Zuko never left this ship last night." Iroh told them.

 _"You're playing the 'general' card now? Whatever happened to 'retired general'?"_ Zuko thought incredulously.

Apparently Iroh's former title still held some weight; even though they looked unconvinced, the party inclined their heads towards the duo. "Okay. We are sorry to have used up your time like this." Then the party quietly left to board the next ship."

After they left, Iroh turned to his nephew and gave him a hard look that demanded to know the truth. Zuko was slightly unnerved as he had rarely ever seen his uncle like this.

 _"Why don't I ever think anything through? Stupid, stupid, STUPID!"_

What was he going to tell his uncle?

"Alright, Zuko... I want you to start from the very beginning and tell me exactly where you were last night."

 _ **As you may have noticed, I aged up the characters a bit. As of this story, Zuko has been banished for seven years rather than only three; I feel it better justifies his mindset. And another thing: This is going to be a long story, for those of you who are wondering. It will take place over the course of a number of years to give Zuko time to evolve.**_

 _ **So what do you think might happen next? As always please r &r.**_

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	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Zuko didn't even know where to begin. "Uncle... What happened last night, you need to understand-"

He trailed off as he considered his next words. He knew he wouldn't be able to get out of this one, so he decided to tell it straight. He took a deep breath and said, "Yes, Uncle, I freed the Avatar and murdered Zhao. I'm the Blue Spirit."

Iroh did not know how to react. He was at a loss for words even though he had managed to put the pieces together beforehand. "Zuko, you're- but why..."

"I did it all because I _had to!"_ Zuko blurted out. "I had to free the Avatar because if he had stayed with Zhao, I would've had no chance at all." The last few words came out almost as a whisper.

Iroh regained his composure, but still had trouble putting his shock into words. "Zuko... You are- you're the Blue Spirit? You are the one the whole Fire Nation is growing to fear?"

Zuko felt a small twinge of pride despite himself. "Yes, Uncle. I am the very same one."

"How long have you been keeping this a secret? Are there other acts you have committed under this guise?"

And that pride was gone in the blink of an eye, just like everything else that was good in his life. "Uncle, no! It was just those two. I didn't do anything else, I promise!"

Iroh didn't know what to believe anymore; He wouldn't say it, but Zuko could see it in his eyes. He had to think on his feet if he wanted any hope for redemption in his eyes.

"Uncle, just please hear me out about what I did to Zhao."

"If you had wanted him to die so much that you took his life into your own hands, why didn't you just kill him at the Agni Kai? You were perfectly within your rights to do so!"

"I know! But... I just couldn't do it then. I couldn't bring myself to kill another human being."

"Then why did you decide to do it later? This could have all been avoided and we wouldn't have the entire Fire Nation looking for you!"

Zuko had to choose his words very carefully. Should he tell Iroh that he was going to leave Zhao alone before he woke up, or should he tell him that he wanted to kill him all along? After all, the former option would just make him look like an idiot, the same one who never thought anything through and was constantly getting lectured by his uncle. The latter, on the other hand, might at least prove his worth as a capable warrior. But then Iroh would see him as a cold-blooded killer.

As always, Zuko was caught in a situation where he just couldn't win no matter what. If he told his uncle the former story, he would look like a fool and earn another lecture and scolding from his uncle; he was so very tired of all that. But if he told him the latter story, his uncle would see him as a murderer.

What else could he say? Could he make a compromise between the two?

"I wasn't going to; I didn't want to until Zhao boarded our ship. After that, after all he said to me... I had to." Zuko said with a conviction that surprised even himself.

Iroh's countenance was stony at his nephew's statement. "So you murdered Zhao because of a few insults." He said quietly.

Those words stung hard. But he had already started with his story, and there was no going back. "Listen to me, uncle. It's more than just a few petty insults; it's everything about my whole life!"

"Nephew, your destiny-"

"My own father, whose love I fought so long and hard for, scarred and disowned me!" Zuko gestured to his scar. "My mother disappeared when I needed her the most, and left me alone with my father and Azula! I watched my younger sister surpass me in every possible way and father was always there to just cheer her on and compare me against her, saying how I never measured up. Then Zhao comes onboard our ship and rubs it all in my face! Are you honestly asking me _why_ I fucking killed Zhao? The answer is right in front of you!"

Years and years of hurt, pain,torment, frustration, and loneliness was poured out for Iroh to witness in those sentences. "You said it yourself, Uncle; Zhao was not an honorable man. _What difference does it make if he dies?"_ Zuko could not believe those words had just come out of his mouth.

Iroh was shocked. He knew his nephew was a frustrated young man with the odds always stacked against him, but he never would have guessed the fearful and timid little boy at the palace was capable of murder. "Zuko... Do you have any idea what it is you did exactly?"

Zuko knew what Iroh now saw when he looked at Zuko; he so desperately wanted to change his story and tell him the full truth, but he knew it was too late. "Uncle, please... I can't take anymore. I just want to forget it all happened right now."

"This kind of thing does not go away. You cannot simply forget what you did."

Zuko noticed a change in his uncle's tone of voice. It was a stony and cold voice; just like his father's. Zuko suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Uncle... You won't disown me because of this, right? You won't leave me?"

Zuko felt just like that child that was kneeling before his father all those years ago, begging for forgiveness.

Then, Iroh did the unthinkable. "Zuko, I apologize... I cannot look at you right now." Iroh said as he turned his head to the side.

Zuko's heart sank. "What? Uncle, please-" he trailed off as he noticed Iroh refused to meet his eyes.

"I... I need to think this over, Zuko. I am sorry." He then turned and walked away to his quarters,leaving Zuko more alone and helpless than ever.

 _"Why did I have to word it like that?"_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Guess what, guys? Zhao's dead."

Aang and Katara were totally caught off guard by Sokka's news; their only foe probably worse than Zuko was dead all of a sudden?

"And guess who killed him?" Sokka pulled out a wanted poster and unrolled it for them both to see.

Aang's heart skipped a beat as soon as he saw who was on the cover. It was none other than the Blue Spirit; the same one who freed him, and the same one who turned out to be-

 _"Zuko... Oh no, why would you do this?"_

"Aang." Katara chimed in with a worried expression. "This is the same person that freed you from Zhao, isn't it?"

Aang's heart skipped two beats. "Yeah... I guess it is. What's the big deal?"

"Look at what happened!" Sokka exclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "This Blue Spirit-whoever he is-, frees you from Zhao's clutches, only to turn around and murder him? I mean, whoever this guy is, he's the real deal! He _cut Zhao's head off in his own room!_ You don't think you should even be a little bit worried?"

Aang flinched at the evident fear in Sokka's voice, but failed to wrap his head around the Water Tribe boy's logic. "What are you saying, Sokka?" Aang inquired.

Sokka let out a huff. "I think he freed you so he could get to _you_ before Zhao. Think about this; you're a wanted kid, so I'm willing to bet Zuko and Zhao weren't the only ones after you. And also, right after he breaks you out, he kills Zhao."

Aang finally realized what Sokka was talking about and it made his heart race; Sokka was so close to the truth. "Okay, so what if he's out to get me? What are we supposed to do?"

"Look, if you ask me, I think we should just keep our heads way down. As in, basically disappearing." Sokka said with finality.

"But what if someone needs help?"

"Aang, you can't help anyone if you're captured or dead! It's as simple as that!"

Katara heaved a sigh and finally decided to join the conversation. "Sokka, what is the point of being the Avatar if he just disappears again? He's _supposed_ to help whoever he can!"

Sokka groaned at her sister's naïveté. "He can do all that _after_ he defeats the Fire Lord! He can't do that if he's been captured or worse!"

Aang completely ignored the siblings' bickering, for he was wrapped up in his own dilemma. He knew Zuko was clearly a troubled and confused boy, but was it all really just to get to Zhao and then him? He never struck Aang as a murderer before, but the way Sokka put it all seemed to fit perfectly; Zhao captured Aang before Zuko could, and Zuko didn't like that one bit. So he sets out to free Aang so he can have a chance to bring him back to the Fire Nation and permanently get Zhao out of his way.

It was pure evil genius; it his had to be. Who could think of something so convoluted?

 _"But why, Zuko? Why would you become a killer just to get to me?"_

"So, Aang, what do you think?"

Katara's voice snapped him out of it, and he remembered immediately what they were talking about. "Guys, you wanna know what I think? Maybe it doesn't have to be one or the other; maybe we can find a balance."

Sokka facepalmed at Aang's reasoning. "Aang, we're not dealing with elements or the universe or whatever here, we're talking about someone who just killed one of the Fire Nation's highest ranking officers! He's going to come after you next, I know it!"

"Really? Did you instincts tell you that?" Katara cut in.

"It's not instinct, it's _logic!_ Am I the only one here who even knows what that is?"

"Both of you, stop!" Aang shouted. They both stopped their bickering to look at the Avatar with surprised expressions; Aang almost _never_ shouted like that. "Listen, I'll sleep on it for tonight and let you know my decision in the morning. Sound good?"

Sokka raised his hands in defeat. "Fine, fine. I hope sleep does _wonders_ for you decision." He said as he walked back to his tent.

Katara gave her brother a dirty look before turning back to Aang with a much softer expression and putting her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Aang. I know you'll make the right decision."

Aang couldn't help but smile at her kindness and blush just a tiny bit at the physical contact. "Thanks for believing in me, Katara." He said sheepishly.

She removed her hand and began walking back to her tent. "No problem. Goodnight!" She said over her shoulder. Aang couldn't help but notice the gentle sway of her hips as she walked away...

 _"No! Stop it! Now is not the time. I need to sleep..."_

Hours after he crawled into his sleeping bag, he was still kept awake by thoughts a scarred prince and a masked murderer, two halves of the same whole.

And they would both be coming after him next.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Iroh had reached an emotional impasse; his beloved nephew was a criminal who killed Zhao out of what appeared to be cold blood.

 _"My beloved Zuko, why would you taint your honor like this?"_

Deep down inside, he wanted to blame it all on Ozai and Azula. It was obvious; even half a world away, they influenced him for all these years, haunting his soul. He had been corrupted.

But even deeper down, he knew that it was still the same Zuko he had cared for his whole life. He had been the father Zuko always wanted but never had.

It brought a twinge of pain to Iroh's heart; his nephew had been searching for his fathers love all these years and never learned to appreciate the father right in front of him.

Then Zhao had to dump vinegar and salt into Zuko's gaping wounds.

Iroh worried even more about him now; what else was Zuko capable of if he could kill another man over some insults? Could Zuko be going down the path of insanity?

 _"No... It was much, much more than some mere insult."_

There was another elephant in the room he needed to address: Zuko was the infamous Blue Spirit. He was a _very_ wanted criminal and public enemy number two of the Fire Nation second only to the Avatar himself. His nephew was a criminal.

 _"How could this have happened? Where did I go wrong with you, Zuko?"_

He could see why Zuko would free the Avatar; Zhao had unfairly stolen his prize and he was going to get it back at all costs.

But to resort to such desperate measures and fight treachery with treachery? Was Zuko really starting to lose his honor?

Then he suddenly thought back to his days as a general and all the lives he had destroyed, many from his own hand. He felt like a hypocrite for thinking about Zuko in such a way _"No... That's how war works. That's how it's always worked. Zuko is a Fire Nation prince and this kind of thing runs through his veins."_

Iroh looked at the picture of his long dead son on the wall and felt grief wash over him again. He could not lose another son to this war. He _needed_ to give Zuko guidance; he just wasn't trying enough.

Iroh rose and rushed out to the deck, hoping to see Zuko there.

But he wasn't.

Iroh then went to Zuko's quarters and knocked on his door. "Zuko?" He said gently. No response. "Zuko, I'm sorry. I just needed time to think it all over. Can you forgive me?" Still no response. He decided the time for gentle coaxing was over and opened the door.

Nobody. Zuko was not in his quarters. Iroh continued to scour the ship, but he was nowhere to be found.

Zuko was gone.

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 _ **As you can see, I made it to where Sokka and Katara are aware that Aang was captured by the Blue Spirit. They just have no idea who he really is. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long time it took to update this, but I am getting ready to ship out for Air Force basic training in June. My days right now are mostly filled with paperwork. After the next chapter, it may be a couple months before I update.**_


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _ **Guess what! I made it through Air Force Basic Military Training (BMT) and I'm back. God, I missed my laptop and phone… It sucked and I hated every minute of it but at least it's over. Now I'm in tech school and ready to learn my job for the next six months. Don't worry, I'll have plenty of time to write.**_

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Ursa pushed with all of her might, and after that blinding split second where the pain reached its peak, it was over. They had done it; Ozai and Ursa had managed to combine the blood of Roku and Sozin to breed the ultimate heir to the throne, who would bring the Fire Nation to glory. Ozai, a very hard man, had never felt prouder in his life

But as he was cradling the child in his arms, he noticed something odd; his newborn son lacked the spark in his eyes that most firebenders have when they're born. He seemed remarkably average. His expression began to darken, but then he saw his wife on the bed smiling, albeit tiredly, proud of their firstborn son. "What should we name him?" Ursa asked weakly.

Ozai's expression of darkness was gone almost instantly as he tried to think of an appropriate name for his son. In all this time, he had never bothered to think of a name for his son. "His name will be Zuko." He said after a few minutes.

Ursa's smile widened at her husband's idea. "Oh, that's such a great name!" she exclaimed. She then reached out. "Can I hold baby Zuko?"

Ozai, however, didn't hear her. He was preoccupied with his son's eyes. Where was that spark of life? Could there be a chance his son was born a worthless nonbender? What would he do then? He didn't even want to consider having to uphold tradition and do to his son what his forefathers had done to nonbender children born in their family.

"Ozai."

"What?" he snapped. Ursa looked completely taken aback at her husbands sudden change in mood.

"I just wanted to hold Zuko."

"Yes, here. You can hold him." He said as he handed Zuko to his mother. Contrary to Ozai, Ursa saw a spark in her son's eyes. "Ozai, I know that Zuko will do great things when he grows up." She said with conviction he hadn't heard in a long time.

"What would make you say such a thing?"

"I… don't know. I can see it in his eyes. He's destined for amazing things."

Ozai gazed deeply into his son's eyes with longing. "I hope you are right, Ursa. I really do."

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Zuko woke up in the woods. Did he really have a dream about his birth? It almost seemed… happy. What he remembered most vividly was that his father almost seemed normal and cared for him, rather than the monster that raised him. Zuko's father loved him, and his mother knew he was destined for great things. So why had he turned into a fugitive and a murderer?

Zhao's headless body came to mind for the thousandth time since the incident, and as much as he hated the man, he wanted to take it back. He could've just let it go and _maybe_ he would've been able to slip through Zhao's clutches and capture the Avatar. He might have just been able to go back to when his father loved him like he had all that time ago and when his childhood was somewhat happy before his mother disappeared and his sister turned into a monster.

But he knew there was no going back, and that he had to accept and live with what he had done.

Zuko sat up against a tree. The sun was just coming up, making the autumn leaves shimmer with a kind of colorful magic that only the fire of the ancient dragons could match. It was almost enough to make him fall asleep instantly; he looked up at the bright red sky, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. Only one thought came to his mind in this rare moment of calm: _"Why did it have to be me? Why can't anything ever go right for me?!"_ It had to be some sick game that the spirits came up with; with his abusive father, his mother abandoning him all those years ago, his _younger sister_ surpassing him in every way possible, him getting banished, and finally losing his beloved uncle. He had never done anything to deserve all that had happened; There was just no other explanation for his sad life.

Zuko didn't feel like getting up, he didn't even feel like going on at all. All he could do was look at the natural autumn beauty around him. _"I could stay here forever."_ He thought of his uncle, and he felt an enormous twinge of heartache, but Iroh had basically disowned him anyway, so what was even the point? It was the universe's final slap in his face. In a desperate attempt to move on, his mind then drifted to the possibilities before him; what if he really did throw it all away? Despite his scar, very few of the Earth Kingdom people had seen his face, and it wasn't as if he was particularly well known. Maybe he could start all over. He saw an actual future compared to his present situation, one where he could be whoever he wanted rather than just wander the world clinging to such a childish hope.

His mind immediately went to the blue mask in his satchel. He took it out and stared into its hollow and mocking expression that always bore into his soul. "This is all your fault." He whispered. Even with all that had happened and as much pain as it caused him, the mask still gave him for freedom than he'd ever had in his life. Under the mask, he could be anyone he wanted to be. His true self could come out.

" _Even a murderer? Is that what your true self is?"_ Zuko shook his head to try to dislodge the thought from his mind. Zhao was a murderer himself, after all.

In a stunning moment of clarity, he had a sudden epiphany.

" _Listen to Uncle… Just accept what happened and move on for once. Think of all the lives you saved by killing Zhao."_

Zuko let that thought echo in his mind, then put the mask on. He had done the world a service by killing Zhao, hadn't he? He saved lives through his actions; despite his reputation now, maybe the Blue Spirit could eventually become a hero in the eyes of the people. It was a truly bittersweet feeling, but it finally gave him real hope.

" _It's good to finally be free."_

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"I wish I could be free."

Not too far away in a circus somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, a girl named Ty Lee was walking alone in the forest, wondering where it went wrong for her. She had run away to join the circus all those years ago to escape being part of a matched set of seven other sisters. She joined the circus so she could stand out; but now she realized there was a bigger problem for her.

She was so tired of being a follower.

She had never even wanted to join the circus in the first place; she had just wanted to stand out in any way at all, even if it was with a bunch of other circus freaks. But it was never what she had wanted, to be some circus freak. She wanted adventure more than anything else, and she had never been able to find it her whole life. Nothing seemed to be working to help dig herself out of this hole.

" _Why can't I just get away?"_

She was snapped out of her internal monologue when a very distinct wanted poster caught her eye; the mocking visage of the Blue Spirit stared right back at her. "Unbelievable." She breathed out loud. "10,000 gold pieces! Why—" Then she looked further down and saw the crime that he had committed. It read:

"Wanted dead or alive for the murder of Admiral Zhao. Carries two Dao swords and is considered extremely dangerous."

Ty Lee had vivid memories of Zhao, how he would always leer at Azula when they were little girls all those years ago. Even then, she was unfortunate enough to know what went on in a man's heart and mind when he got that look of hunger in her eyes. A scumbag of the lowest order, somehow made it all the way to admiral.

And now he was dead. Killed by something that might have not been human to begin with.

Even though part of her was glad Zhao was dead now, the thought of taking a human life sickened the acrobat to her stomach. It was the last thing she wanted to do ever, but she couldn't deny feeling just a little bit envious whenever she saw a wanted poster or a news article about some bandit, even if their reputation faded literally overnight; they took control of their own lives and did whatever they wanted without worrying about what others thought.

Ty Lee was tired of not being in control; her whole life, she'd been subject to the whims of her friends and family and those around her, especially by Azula. She knew all Azula wanted out of her was control, and of course she was an easy target; she was even part of the reason Ty Lee ran away, even if it meant leaving Mai behind. She was so tired of it all.

She carried on walking through the woods, lost in her thoughts.

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The Blue Spirit walked through the forest, not caring where it went or what it was about to do.

Zuko had no idea why he was wearing the mask at the moment, or where he was going, but it felt so _right._ He kept on walking down the trail, savoring that bittersweet feeling of freedom in an entrapped life, temporary as it may be.

" _What if I could never take this thing off… I could live forever like this!"_

Ty Lee could hear distant footsteps coming towards her. All those years of martial arts training her parents forced her through were about to kick in as she got into her fighting stance. Was this an enemy or some misguided traveler?

" _Heh, what if it's the Blue Spirit?"_ some crazy part of her mind thought. She quickly dislodged the idea from her head and prepared herself for whatever it was that was about to meet her.

Zuko felt better than he ever had in his life now. No Avatar, no crew, no Uncle, and no twisted royal family to weigh down on him 24/7. As much as he had missed his uncle, he no longer had any more ties to this world. He looked up at the autumn canopies and was in another world entirely.

He was brought back to reality when he looked in front of him, and he saw a very familiar looking girl standing in front of him. _"It can't be…"_

" _It can't be."_ Ty Lee couldn't believe her kind of luck; right as she was thinking of the Blue Spirit and his freedom, he literally just walked into her life. The Blue Spirit didn't do anything while Ty Lee remained in her fighting stance, unsure of what to do. Would he try to murder her just for crossing paths? Was he just some imposter with a severe case of hero worship? She really hoped it was the latter.

"Uh… hello?" She nervously said, unsure of what else to say. "You're not gonna try to cut my head off, are you?"

The Blue spirit tilted his head questioningly, almost as if to say, _"Why would I do that to you?"_ Then he took a step forward. Ty Lee tightened up at his advance, but noticed something strange; his swords weren't drawn. Everything she heard about the Blue Spirit indicated that he wielded dual swords.

Maybe he wasn't trying to hurt her, but Ty Lee remained frozen in her spot. She noticed a very unusual aura about this man; his aura was a combination of a bright red and of a cold blue. It seemed to mean that he was a cold individual with a warmer side, almost as if it were two people in one body. She could tell that he probably didn't want to hurt her.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when he was just barely a few feet away, just close enough to touch her. "You better not try to hurt me!" she said, trying to sound threatening. He had no response at all. "Can you at least please say or do something? It's really starting to scare me…"

The Blue Spirit's aura changed immediately; all of a sudden the warmth seemed to take over the cold part of his soul. Ty Lee took it as a definite sign that he wasn't there to hurt her, and relaxed into a normal stance. Nevertheless, his silence was very unsettling to her. "So, uh… do you speak at all or…?"

The spirit shook his head. _"Huh. Strong silent type, I guess…"_ she mused. But she couldn't help but ask the question anyway. "Who are you?"

He picked up a stick off the ground and started writing. The characters spelt:

" **Someone you knew in another life, Ty Lee."**

The acrobat was at a loss for words; she was a loss for any thoughts. This man, this criminal _knew_ her by name? Every rational fiber of her being told her that she would be crazy to trust a murderer, especially one with such a high price on his head. She could use that money for a lot of things.

But if there was one thing she was always good at, it was reading people, and this Blue Spirit wanted to connect in some way. She could tell by the way his aura was swirling that he was a very tortured soul, whoever he was. Before she could even get any words out, he started writing again.

" **Please take me back home. I missed you more than you can know."**

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" _What were you thinking, Zuko! Idiot! You should've just let her know who you are!"_ Zuko so badly wanted to let Ty Lee know who he really was; he went from feeling free to feeling the same kind of confinement he had always felt. As they walked side by side, the girl kept glancing at him nervously as if he would try to murder her.

" _That's what I get for killing someone… I missed you so much, Ty Lee."_

More than anything, he wanted someone from his old life to open up to and a shoulder to cry on; He knew Ty Lee would always listen and be a good friend to him like she always had. Once again, he felt his old emotions and regrets returning and bottling up inside of him, threatening to explode.

"Hey." Ty Lee ventured, snapping Zuko out of it. "You can just nod your head or something to respond, right?"

Obviously, he simply nodded his head in response. "Ok, well I just want to know one thing right now. Did I know you like, a _long_ long time ago? Or was it just recently?"

" _It's been way too long. I wish I could tell you everything."_ He nodded his head with enthusiasm. Ty Lee seemed to ease up a bit after this brief exchange. She was still the same trusting girl she was in childhood, and for once he was grateful that some things never change.

He was still surprised that she just accepted to take him home just because he said he knew her; what if he was someone that wanted to hurt or kill her? While she had most definitely matured physically, he could tell that Ty Lee was still the same naïve, cheerful girl at heart. He missed that the most about her.

She was silent the entire walk back to her home in the forest, where no one would be able to spot the Blue Spirit with her. The sun was just beginning to set when they got there.

When they walked in, Zuko immediately noticed that something had changed after all: She had no paintings or anything of her family. It was almost as if she had never had one to begin with. Last time he checked, Ty Lee was always happy with all of her sisters all the time. Even he could tell something was different with her; she didn't seem to exude that bubbly personality as much as she had used to. He wanted to groan in frustration.

" _What the hell did I miss?"_

"Here, uh… you can sit down, Mr. Spirit." She offered.

Mr. Spirit; It had a nice ring to it, he supposed. Ty lee got out some parchment, a bottle of ink, and a feather to write with. _"Thank you! FINALLY!"_ He now had some sort of outlet; it wouldn't be the same if it was Zuko talking to her, but he had to make do with what he had. As expected, the first question came right away and was exactly what he thought it would be.

"Who are you?"

Zuko wanted badly to tell her, but she would disown him just like Iroh did if he let her know. He took the feather and started writing as the words came to him.

" _I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I wish I could."_ Ty Lee stared at the written response and frowned.

"Why can't you tell me? Can't you at least tell me that?"

Zuko was starting to regret just not running away the moment he saw her and was contemplating just running away then, but no matter how much he thought about it, the thought of losing her once again kept him rooted to his spot. He was the Blue Spirit, wasn't he? He could figure a way out of this.

He started writing again. _"If I did, you would hate who is really behind this mask for all time. I promise."_ He could see Ty Lee's frustration build even more; he knew he had to come up with something else, anything at all to change the subject even a little bit. Suddenly, the most obvious thing popped up in his head, as much as he didn't want to think about it.

" _Do you know what I did to Zhao?"_

She was caught off guard by the question, but true to his predictions and his old memories of her, her focus was changed at least for the time being. "Uh, yeah of course I have. You're known like, all over the world now."

" _You cannot be serious…"_ Zuko thought incredulously. It hadn't even been a week since he killed Zhao and he was basically the most notorious criminal in the world, right behind the Avatar and his ragtag group of kids. With a shaky hand, he started writing once more.

" _Do you want to know why?"_

Ty Lee could not speak for several seconds as she tried to process all that was happening; she had a notorious killer in her home who she brought back _only_ because he said that he knew her. Zuko picked up on this right away and wrote quickly:

" _I did it for you, Ty Lee."_

" _Oh, really? So it wasn't just revenge you were thinking about?"_ a voice in the back of his head told him. He ignored it and continued writing because he knew better than anyone that it took a special set of skills to hold the girl's attention.

" _He was a murderer himself and took everything I loved. I did what I had to do."_

Ty Lee was spluttering at this point. "You did it for _me?_ How—what… Wait, what did he do to you?"

All Zuko could think about was how he should've picked a better story, but at least his plan was working and his story would be somewhat true. _"He took my uncle from me. He was the only family I had these last handful of years."_

Her expression visibly softened and her eyes had a faraway look in them. "Oh… I'm so sorry. I actually had a friend who was banished from my country with his uncle. They've been gone for a long time. I miss him so much…"

Zuko knew exactly what she was talking about and could not pass up this opportunity. _"What was this friend like?"_

Just like that, her face had the warm glow of childhood nostalgia. "Oh, he was just the sweetest boy ever! Sure, he was all hotheaded and everything, but he was a great guy at heart who would have never hurt a fly. I think about him every day."

Zuko felt a sharp twinge in his heart. He wanted to let her know more than anything, but as soon as those words came out of her mouth he knew that she would never look at him the same if she knew what he had done. As soon as he started with that first question, he found himself unable to stop. _"He sounds like he was a decent guy."_

Ty Lee then suddenly turned indignant. "It's not 'was', I know that he's still a great guy. I was actually going to try to become more than just friends with him, you know."

Zuko almost wanted to stop because he felt his heart might explode at any second. _"If he were to come up to you today, would you still have him?"_

"Yes." She answered with finality. "There hasn't been anyone since he left. All these boys constantly hitting on me, but I know what they really want out of me." She shuddered as she seemed to remember a bad memory. "This one would've never done that to me…"

His feeling of warmth was slowly coming back to him; maybe there was hope yet to have a life of his own, one that didn't involve constantly being on a hit list but at the same time a life that he could choose and live on his own terms. Zuko couldn't think about anything else to write, it was as if his brain just stopped working at that point until Ty Lee cut in. "Hey, wait a sec, weren't you saying earlier that you did all that stuff for me? What was that supposed to mean?"

Shit. That was going to be the lynch pin in his whole story if he didn't come up with something quickly. _"What I meant was that I did it for everybody, including you. Zhao would've caused the deaths of thousands of people if I hadn't stopped him."_

"Oh… I guess that makes sense. But why can't you tell me who you are if you knew me?"

Shit. Yet another lynch pin. Zuko's heart was racing at this point, so he just decided to go with the most obvious one and pray that she wouldn't catch on. _"My face is horribly burnt and disfigured and my ability to speak was taken from me when it happened. I can't bear to have you look at me like this. Please understand, I'm begging you."_ His story wasn't false, at least. But he could sense that even she wasn't that naïve to just let him tag along without knowing who he was; nevertheless, he continued in vain. _"Please let me stay with you for the time. I've lost everything I love and I have nobody left in my life. I'm so alone and scared."_

Just like the last one, this message was entirely true. As Ty Lee read the note, he could see her face soften even more with pity and compassion for him. "I'm so sorry to hear that… But how do I know you won't try to kill me in my sleep or anything like that?"

Zuko knew exactly what he had to say, but was taking a huge gamble in saying it. _"If I had meant you any harm, don't you think I would've inflicted it by now?"_

She had a shocked look on her face and was silent for the next several seconds, leaving Zuko to wonder if he had said the right thing.

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Iroh held the painting of his beloved nephew and him together when Zuko was still just an innocent child. He could not believe what had happened over the years to bring him to this point. A banished, dishonored prince who killed an admiral of the Fire Nation in cold blood. He didn't want to believe that he was losing what honor he had left, but everything was pointing in the other direction. The transformation over the seven years he was banished was truly frightening. He didn't even bother trying to stop the tears that were now flowing freely.

" _My beloved nephew, what has happened to you?"_

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 _Ozai sat by his bed, cradling his sleeping son in his arms while his wife was sound asleep in their bed. He decided to forget about the lack of spark in Zuko's eyes and look towards a bright future. "I know you will make me and the Fire Nation proud, Prince Zuko."_

 **If you hadn't guessed already, Ty Lee's going to become a major character pretty soon. I can't say anything about pairings just yet, but who knows? I might just make it happen depending on what mood I'm in ;)**

 **I know it's been a while, so my writing may be a little bit rusty at this point. Please read and review, as it is keeping me going. Comments, constructive criticism, anything would be great. Also, there isn't really much to do on Sheppard AFB, so obviously I'm going to be updating on a regular basis. This story's back, ladies and gentlemen!**

 **Oh, and for all of you Airmen-to-be (I know there's some of you out there) If you have questions about BMT or Tech School or the Air Force in general, feel free to PM me and I'll answer them.**

 **And if you're in 366 TRS, good night. A lot of you suck as people, but you're also funny as shit and it's not too bad being stuck here with you. I'll see you in class tomorrow morning.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Zuko was taking a huge chance with what he said. He prayed that Ty Lee still wasn't the brightest flame out there and just took it for what it was worth.

" _It's been a long time since she's heard my voice. Should I try to talk to her?"_

He had only been sitting with Ty Lee for about an hour, and the silence was already getting uncomfortable. Agni knows he was sick of trying to put his thoughts on paper.

But he had to say something, and what came to him next made his stomach turn.

" _I need to ask you this, is it really a great loss to anyone that Zhao's dead?"_

Ty Lee registered a shocked and confused look on her face. "What do you mean? Why would you say that?"

Zuko mentally braced himself for all the writing he was going to have to do. _"Who misses him, really? He was a murderer. He took my family from me. He's killed countless people in the Earth Kingdom and even in the Fire Nation, and didn't have a family of his own. He wasn't even really a good general from what I heard. All he did was plow through Earth Kingdom territory without any regard to strategy, and got so many of his own men killed. I bet the Fire Lord had replacements lined up the moment he was promoted._ _ **Who gives a fuck if he is dead?**_ _"_ Zuko wasn't even sure if he believed anything he had just wrote, but it felt so right.

Ty Lee stared hard at the piece of parchment that he handed her. "I guess…"

Good, he was making progress at least; why stop there? He took out another piece and started writing again. _"Think of all the lives I saved by just taking one that wasn't even valued by anyone. How could you hold it against me when all I did was help the rest of the world?"_

Ty Lee pondered this. He had a point. Yes, the man in front of her was a killer, but she was well aware of the horrible atrocities that Zhao had committed throughout his career; from pointless Agni Kai's always ending in death to the needless slaughter of innocent Earth Kingdom civilians. Zhao was absolutely notorious throughout his entire career as a senseless killer. Her whole life, she had always been opposed to senseless violence; It was one of the reasons she ran away, after all.

" _Please, I'm not some senseless killer. I only did what I felt was right. All I ask is that I can stay with you for just a little while, until at least I find out where to go next."_ Zuko knew he was lying to himself once again; He had found one of his only real friends in this world, and he didn't want to just let her slip away anytime soon.

Ty Lee thought deep and hard about what he wrote down. "Alright, fine." She said softly. "I'll let you stay with me, Mr. Spirit."

" _Thank you so much…"_ Zuko had finally found a friend. He had at least one thing to be thankful for.

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Everywhere the Gaang went, it seems they saw nothing but wanted posters for the Blue Spirit. They were plastered on almost every wall in every town they passed through.

"They just won't stop until he's either dead or caught, will they?" said Sokka as he snatched a poster off of a nearby wall. Then his eyes drifted down to the annotation at the bottom of the poster.

" **Last spotted in Kashi Forest on the night of the 16** **th** **."**

He froze instantly; they had just slept in that forest last night on that very date. "Guys, you might want to take a closer look at these posters!"

Katara, who was very tired of her brother's instincts, said "What is it this time, Mr. Logic?"

He thrust the poster up to her face. "Look! It says right here he was just seen in the forest we slept in last night!" he shouted frantically.

Aang immediately froze. This meant only one thing; Zuko was out there and he was still following them. It seemed that he decided to switch tactics from just rushing into them any time they were caught taking a rest stop.

"What did I tell you two? Didn't I say the other night that we should lay low and disappear for a while? Look what happened! He knows who we are and he's following us!"

"Sokka, how do you know he's just following us? It's a big forest; he could've just been on the other side of it for all we know!" snapped Katara in annoyance.

"He killed Zhao, who was hunting Aang, and then he just happens to turn up in the exact same forest we're in? What are the odds of that, Katara? Huh? I told you already, it's not some coincidence that he got rid of Zhao; he did it so he could get to Aang!"

Aang was oblivious to the siblings' argument as he was lost in his own thoughts. Even though Sokka didn't know who the Blue Spirit really was, there was truth to his words; Zuko was following them and just waiting for a chance to strike again. What else could it be?

"Okay, let's ask Aang what he wants to do." Sokka finally said. "What are we supposed to do about this masked man following us? You've seen the posters; they all say that he's literally invisible at night, and that he might be an actual spirit. You're the Avatar! Isn't it your job to talk to spirits?"

Katara's patience with her brother was wearing thin for the thousandth time. "Oh, _come on!_ Yeah, he killed Zhao, but that doesn't mean he's invincible or a spirit or something. And that definitely doesn't mean he's after Aang. I think you're blowing this way out of proportion."

"How can you say that?! Why else would he have done it?"

Aang debated on whether or not he should actually say something, or just let the siblings carry on with their bickering. He honestly was not sure what he was supposed to do; it's not like he could just call out to him, since he would be a target. But he couldn't just wait and let him pick them all off.

"Guys, listen to me!" Aang broke in. "Maybe we should listen to Sokka and just lay low for a while. At least until we're sure we're safe."

This didn't help Katara's composure one bit. "Aang, are you serious right now? People need our help, we can't just disappear because someone _might_ be after us!"

"Aang can't help anyone if the Blue Spirit…" began Sokka.

Katara whirled around to meet Sokka's eyes with a furious glare. "If the Blue Spirit does what, Sokka?"

"Uh… gets to Aang."

"This is ridiculous! You can't just hide! That's how this all happened in the first place!" It wasn't until right after she finished her sentence and saw the shocked expressions on Sokka's and Aang's faces that she knew she said the wrong thing. "Aang, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"You don't have to apologize, Katara. I know what you meant." Aang said sadly.

Sokka was almost at a loss for words. "Katara, what is wrong with you? Why would you say something like that?"

Aang decided to cut in with a sudden change of demeanor. "No, you're right. I need to face this problem head on."

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Ty Lee and the Blue Spirit carried on in silence for what seemed to be forever. He just sat there, staring at her like he really knew her. Still, something was familiar about the way he carried himself; but she couldn't put a name to that posture and gait.

And she knew she saw something familiar in those hollow eyes of the mask he wore. So many things rang so many bells, but she just couldn't figure out exactly who to associate it with.

Then he took out a piece of paper and a quill, and started writing again. He handed it to her and it read,

" _Have you ever felt trapped, and felt like you had no escape?"_

Her heart sped up as she read the note. "Yes" she said uneasily. "Why are you asking?"

" _Because I've been there. I'm still there, actually. I've always had a very hard time finding freedom."_

Her face scrunched up in confusion. "Freedom? From what?"

" _Freedom from nothing, everything… Especially freedom from most of my family."_

"…You wanted freedom from your family, too?"

He nodded his head. _"My whole life. My family's been the source of most of my heartache in life. So many times I just wanted to run away and leave it all behind."_

"Except for your Uncle?" she said softly.

He paused before he started writing again. _"He's gone now, and I'll never get him back again. Now I almost feel like I have no reason to go on…"_

Ty Lee stared hard at his mask and remembered all the people in her old circus troupe that wore masks as part of the act. She remembered them saying that it made them feel anonymous and free. "Is that part of the reason you wear that mask? To be free?"

He nodded his head mournfully.

"I ran away to join the circus because of that same feeling… You see, I grew up with seven sisters who looked exactly like me. I never felt loved or anything… I just wanted to be noticed is all."

The mask made it hard to read, but it almost looked like the Blue Spirit was saying with his eyes, "I know exactly what you mean."

" _Did you find what you were looking for?"_

Her expression changed to that of sadness. "Well at first, I guess. I loved doing it and I loved all the attention and stuff, but then I started getting called stuff like circus freak along with everyone else in the troupe, and I realized I was still part of a set. I didn't really like actually being in the circus, I just liked all the praises and stuff that I got. But I couldn't find anything else that would make me stand out the way being in the circus did."

She thought she saw a mixture of compassion and pity in the mask's eyes.

" _My family was horrible and abusive with the exception of my mom and uncle, but my mom left when I was just a child. The only thing worse than not feeling like you exist, is existing only to be tormented endlessly."_

"What was your uncle like?"

He instantly perked up. _"He was the greatest man I ever knew. My whole life he was there for me, through all the bad times and the few good times even when I didn't appreciate him. My biggest regret is that I didn't give him the love he deserved even though he was more of a father to me than my own father ever was."_

Ty Lee felt her heart break for the masked man in front of her. They seemed to be alike in more ways than she thought. "I might as well have never known my family."

" _At least you had one, and had a troupe of performers to be with. I had only my uncle and now he's gone forever, murdered by a Fire Nation admiral."_

"I guess I can see why you did what you did…" she said hesitantly.

" _I would've never laid a hand on him otherwise. I never liked violence for its own sake."_

"Neither did I. But my parents forced me to take chi blocking classes when I was a child and just forced me to keep going until I finally left. I grew to kind of like it as I got older."

" _Did you ever have to use it?"_

"Yeah, I did. But I didn't really want to. Only to guys that just wouldn't take no for an answer if you know what I mean."

" _Did they learn their lesson?"_

"Well, I guess you could say they did…"

" _It sounds almost as if you're ashamed of what you did. You said you didn't want to; why is that?"_

Ty Lee shrugged her shoulders. "As much as I liked chi blocking as an art form, I never really wanted to actually use it in real life. I'm not really into fighting."

The Blue Spirit shook his head. _"A very important lesson I learned in life is that there's no shame in protecting yourself, Ty Lee. You shouldn't have to feel bad for only doing what's right."_

"That doesn't mean I have to like it." She said stubbornly.

" _I didn't say that, but you took control of the situation and made it out in one piece; something I've had to do countless times."_

 _Take control._ That phrase rang loud and clear in Ty Lee's head when he said it. He was right, wasn't he?

"How do you do that, Mr. Spirit?"

He tilted his head in confusion.

"Take control, I mean."

" _That depends. Of what, exactly?"_

"I dunno. Life, I guess."

It seemed as he knew exactly what she was trying to get at suddenly. _"Sometimes, it's easy to do and comes from instinct, like with you defending yourself. But with life in general it takes a while to do and longer to ingrain that drive into your life as a habit."_

She pondered this for a moment. "So if I could just take those moments and—what's the term I'm looking for—Apply those feelings in my life, and I'd be set?"

He shook his head. _"Anybody can have that drive to take charge of their life, but to actually_ _ **act**_ _on it is a different animal. Everybody's always saying how they're going to change the world, their lives, this and that and it doesn't happen because they don't have the will to just go out and at least try."_

That made much more sense than she wanted to admit. Ty Lee picked her words carefully for her next question. "How did you do it? How'd you decide to act on it?"

The Blue Spirit froze for a minute, and Ty Lee grew more uncomfortable with every second that passed. "I knew I shouldn't have said that." She thought. Then he started writing.

" _I've always had a strong drive in life, but I had been run down and beaten for almost all of it. I felt so lost and helpless and thought things were never going to change. They did; the only family I loved was killed… that is what gave me the will to become who I am now. This persona is now a part of my life and who I am. Believe me when I say it's not always a good thing. Sure, I took control of my life but I'm also a wanted criminal known worldwide. It's a double-edged sword; if you take charge and assert yourself, people are going to be unhappy with the fact that you're proving them wrong about you… You're going to be faced with more challenges than you can imagine. Self-doubts and demons that you never knew existed will come to the surface and you're going to have to face them and defeat them. Those hardships in life are what will drive you to change. But that feeling you get of actually taking control of your life is all worth in in the very end. You finally feel alive after all those years of feeling dead inside."_

Those words had a profound effect on the acrobat as she let them sink in; she knew there was truth to them. After being ignored her whole life and suddenly being thrust into the center of attention, her biggest fear was what people thought of her and it proved to be terribly crippling throughout her life.

Once again, she chose her words very carefully. "Do you think you can teach me?"

" _To what, exactly? Not to be a wanted criminal, I hope."_

"No, not that. I meant to help me take charge."

He nodded his head in understanding.

" _Of course I will."_

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Aang normally felt at peace when he was by himself meditating, but all he felt then was turmoil and frustration. He kept thinking about what Katara said earlier.

" _But she is right…"_

He prayed hard to Avatar Roku, or any of his past incarnations, but he couldn't contact them; there was just too much on his mind to get into the right state.

The more he thought about it, the worse he felt; but he knew in his heart that while Katara was out of line for what she said, she was right. His whole civilization was gone because he ran instead of stepping up and accepting responsibility as the Avatar. A hundred years passed and nothing had changed in his role.

"Aang, are you ok?"

Katara's voice snapped him out of his trance. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine Katara."

"Aang, I'm so sorry for what I said earlier. I was caught up in the argument and I—"

"It's okay… You were right anyway." He replied.

Katara, even though they hadn't been traveling together for long, knew when something was wrong. Something was very different in Aang's voice when he spoke.

"You were just a kid! You made a mistake, what else would someone in your position have done?"

"They would've accepted it and lived with it like all the other avatars did!" He snapped. "But I didn't, and now everyone I cared about is… gone." His voice broke at the end of this sentence.

Katara pulled him in for a hug. "I know what I'm gonna do; I'm going to confront this situation head on.

She pulled away to look at the determination on the airbender's face. "Aang, are you sure about this?"

"I'm positive."

It was time for him to face Zuko head on, whether or not he was still after them.

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It seemed that Zuko had earned Ty Lee's trust, otherwise he would be paralyzed already. But he wasn't sure where to go from there. _"'Teach her…' How could I have been so stupid!"_ He now had to find out how to "teach" her how to "take charge". Except that it would not be as simple as he made it sound. He was never taught how to live the way he did; he learned it through many years of pain and suffering like he did everything else. He would not wish that kind of torment on this sweet girl for anything.

As he laid in a comfortable bed for the first time in seven years, these thoughts kept him from falling asleep even though he knew he was safe for the time being. Then another one of Iroh's proverbs came to him.

" _A very wise man once said, 'Count your blessings, not your troubles.'"_

That passage was very familiar to him, he knew he read it somewhere in a famous old tome that had many more wise teachings like it. He just could not recall the name of that book.

He pushed the idea of the book itself out of his head and focused on the proverb. Maybe he _should_ try counting his blessings.

" _Well, I did reconnect with an old friend, so that's nice. And it's not like we'll be parting ways anytime soon."_

That was one.

" _I'm alive?"_

 _Maybe_ two. More like one and a half for him considering his circumstances.

" _I have a roof over my head and I'm sleeping in a place that feels somewhat like home?"_

He looked at his room that Ty Lee graciously offered him. It was far from what the Palace was; this place had no trace of Fire Nation in it. But it was the person living in it that made it feel like home above all else, not what was in it.

He struggled to find another one, even the tiniest one.

" _Even though I've been beaten down my whole life, I always come back."_

This was very true; Zuko never gave up, no matter what obstacle he encountered. Throughout his life he had been faced with nothing but trials and tribulations, but he couldn't recall a single one that he didn't eventually overcome.

" _Even Zhao…"_

Even thinking about it was starting to feel old, though he hated to admit it to himself. He wasn't sure if it was exactly a blessing, but he knew in his heart that his death saved the lives of countless others.

There was one more…

" _I might just find freedom in this mask…"_

The most bittersweet feeling he ever had was also one of the only things that made him feel alive. He hated the mask for what it made him known for, but at the same time he couldn't resist the feeling of power and notoriety it automatically gave him; That mask stood for something and for once he was in complete control of what it portrayed into the hearts and minds of everyone in the world.

He was famous.

" _So that's a few blessings. Not too bad."_

Though his troubles far outweighed his blessings, he was able to breathe easier knowing he had something in his life to keep him going.

Eventually, he was able to sleep.

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Ty Lee on the other hand, laid wide awake in her bed with the knowledge that there was a potential stranger in her house that she just let stay. As alert as she was, she couldn't deny there was a very strange familiarity about the Blue Spirit that made her feel close to him.

But she couldn't put her finger on what it was, and it drove her crazy. She was _positive_ she knew him at some point in her life. She began poring through her memories of people that she had known throughout her life.

Then she remembered that he said he had "known her for a very long time" and it was "too long since the last time" they met.

" _Well, I didn't run away_ _ **that**_ _long ago, so that ruled out anyone I met in the circus or Earth Kingdom."_

That meant they knew each other when she lived in the Fire Nation. That narrowed it down by _a lot._

Was it anyone from the Fire Nation Academy for Girls?

" _Definitely not. The Blue Spirit's obviously a guy."_

She thought hard. Who was a boy she knew very well when she was in the Fire Nation?

She remembered what the Blue Spirit had told her in their earlier conversation. He had a horrible family, an awful sister and father, and a loving mother who mysteriously disappeared early in his life. And his uncle who was always there for him when he needed him… Then it suddenly clicked; she knew exactly who this Blue Spirit was. There was only one person that was everything the Spirit had told her about.

"Zuko!"

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 _ **Well, it looks like Ty Lee finally put two and two together. Sorry for the long wait, but Tech School has been super stressful and busy and I've been working on this chapter since my last update. But I graduate in 4 days after 5 long months of hating my life! I can't wait to leave Sheppard AFB and never come back to this place.**_

 _ **Not much happened in this chapter, but I felt I needed to flesh out Ty Lee's and Zuko's relationship and meeting a little more before continuing on with the actual story and give it some more meaning and backstory. I'm still trying to figure out where to go from here, since there are plenty of turns this story could take. Thank you to everyone that's still following this story and I will keep updating. They may not be as frequent as I want them to be but I'm not going to just let this fanfic die.**_

 _ **As always, please read and review and constructive criticism is appreciated! Reviews are what motivate me to keep writing!**_


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